It's the Rejectionist's blog anniversary and we're celebrating by writing about rejection. Cheerful, isn't it?
Don't worry. I'm not going to twist you into a disheartened mass with my word magic.
I'm going to pretend we live in an alternate reality where agents are more like scouts than gate-keepers, making initial contact to request the work of authors they've discovered online. This is in NO way intended to offend literary agents, for whom I have immense respect. I just think it would be fun to imagine a world where authors, agents, and publishers interact in a totally different way. After all, I do write speculative fiction.
Dear Agent,
Thank you for requesting to see Not Quite Nirvana in full. I am flattered by your attention and impressed by your vision for my project. However, in this competitive market, I feel your publishing contacts aren't unique enough for this particular book, as two of your contacts have already requested publishing rights from me directly. I encourage you to request elsewhere as authors in a different situation will certainly feel differently.
Best Regards,
Author Extraordinaire
And just to show I'm not a bitter writer, here's the YES version of the above query response:
Dear Agent,
Thank you for requesting to see Not Quite Nirvana in full! PublishersX and PublishersZ have already requested publishing rights, and I am eager to see what your illustrious contacts think, as well. Your vision for my project matches mine to a T, and I'm excited to be working with you. Please send your initial contract and I'll have my lawyer go over it this weekend. Thank you again.
Best Regards,
Author Extraordinaire
Ah, alternate realities are so fun. Okay, back to reality. I haven't received a form rejection letter in...*runs to check gmail*...ah, my birthday, two weeks ago. Waiting patiently on a few partial-submissions, but I rest assured that I have not seen the end of The Rejection Monster.
Some things in life are certain: death, taxes, rejection... and sunrise. Happens every time. Yep, even after death.
Haven't you heard? Hope springs eternal.
I sometimes think that lit agents stalk us and find out when our birthdays are just so they can send us rejection letters on that date. They sit back and cackle gleefully at the image of an author opening their mail, seeing a reply from an agent, getting their hopes all up and then reading those dreadful words, "Dear Author, Thank you for your query, but at this time blah blah blah...."
ReplyDeleteOh, what a horrible thought! I'm pretty sure they don't do THAT, although it is a sad coincidence. Maybe next year I'll query as far from my birthday as possible (that is, if my fabulous book STILL isn't picked up by then).
ReplyDeleteYes, that's what we should do, Lorna. Start querying the day after the birthday. Thank you for the inspiration! ;-p
Hee hee! You know James Patterson actually gets to do this. NO JUSTICE.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say I want to live in this alternate reality of yours... but I don't want to be James Patterson.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll stick to dashing steampunk heroines and form rejection.
Rejectionist - I didn't think of that, but there are probably a few authors with this kind of clout in publishing. *tries really hard not to show any jealousy* Oh well.
ReplyDeleteJ.A. - I don't want to be James Patterson either. I love steampunk heroines. Just not form rejection. :-)