tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post8485995898568060745..comments2023-04-10T06:25:11.417-07:00Comments on Soul Stretching Out: Logline BlogfestKatrina L. Lantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-55336949462811691972010-11-05T18:58:54.811-07:002010-11-05T18:58:54.811-07:00I grabbed your logline :) If you have a newer one...I grabbed your logline :) If you have a newer one you want to send me - feel free :) steenah@telus.netSteena Holmeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03585255306121495098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-80781625257610771082010-11-04T12:25:36.451-07:002010-11-04T12:25:36.451-07:00I like this! It sounds cute and fun. :)I like this! It sounds cute and fun. :)Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-34085885827775020492010-11-04T04:02:11.323-07:002010-11-04T04:02:11.323-07:00I love the heroes are all villains thing. Here are...I love the heroes are all villains thing. Here are something's I would cut out because I get tripped up when benign is used.<br /><br />In a town where the heroes are all villains, Robert is a do-gooder with dust allergies...etc...<br /><br />This sounds like a fun read. =)Najelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03529650047480022627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-73306343006103128032010-11-04T04:01:05.712-07:002010-11-04T04:01:05.712-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Najelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03529650047480022627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-34837041994137725532010-11-03T22:01:18.787-07:002010-11-03T22:01:18.787-07:00I've been critting loglines all over the web t...I've been critting loglines all over the web this morning, but I thought this one was perfect. I love the dust allergies!<br /><br />My only question is why is he the last, best hope? Does he have special skills or powers or is it because he is the last one left? I think you need to make that more clear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-84772765990187923622010-11-03T20:08:36.503-07:002010-11-03T20:08:36.503-07:00This sounds like it could be better used as a blur...This sounds like it could be better used as a blurb than a logline. It's a very long sentence and most of it is kind of vague except the thing about the dust allergies - why is that important enough to make it into the logline? I know this is a difficult thing to do; I am having difficulties myself (it's hard for me to write short). That's why this is opportunity is so great - you get a lot of good feedback from readers!<br />MargayMargay Leah Justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490126898758440254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-91053726009705643432010-11-03T19:40:45.613-07:002010-11-03T19:40:45.613-07:00Cute premise. This line made me pause: the prove...Cute premise. This line made me pause: the proverbial black sheep with white knight tendencies, do-gooder super powers, and dust allergies.<br /><br />I like the dust allergies--cute detail that gives it voice. I just had a kind of difficult time wrapping my head around the "good is bad" everything flipped on its head aspect in 2 sentences.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13380826220166366026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-67861488800162160582010-11-03T14:37:22.345-07:002010-11-03T14:37:22.345-07:00Thanks, Vicki! I know it's a little long, but ...Thanks, Vicki! I know it's a little long, but I really like that benign twin bit. You know, opposite of evil twin. ;) And since there are so many other superhero and villain stories on the market right now, I think it's one thing that makes my story unique.<br /><br />I could say, "Robert is a benign twin..." Hmm... Thank you for the input! I'm still hacking away. :DKatrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-2872677376839694132010-11-03T12:53:56.546-07:002010-11-03T12:53:56.546-07:00Hey Katrina,
Glad you joined us. This is so cute...Hey Katrina,<br /><br />Glad you joined us. This is so cute and I can't wait to read it. My son would love it, too.<br /><br />I'm wondering if we need to know Robert's a twin in the logline? Since the new beginning, we know it's a topsy turvy world (I'm hearing one of those movie trailer voice-overs: "In a world where..."). The name Rupert kind of confuses things.<br /><br />Okay, just a couple of cents worth of advice. Otherwise, I love it, too!<br /><br />G'luck!<br />VickiVicki Tremperhttp://www.vbtremper.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-51251622961005149462010-11-03T07:22:44.342-07:002010-11-03T07:22:44.342-07:00oooo I love it :Doooo I love it :DMichelle McLeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08730366330276974943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-22807339951568176362010-11-03T01:20:13.877-07:002010-11-03T01:20:13.877-07:00What a fun logline!!What a fun logline!!Rachel Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02711443001167188505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-40047483576258187822010-11-02T21:14:19.593-07:002010-11-02T21:14:19.593-07:00Hee hee! Will do, Rachael Harrie! (Got to get your...Hee hee! Will do, Rachael Harrie! (Got to get your name right.)Katrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-8887392495322989082010-11-02T21:10:37.608-07:002010-11-02T21:10:37.608-07:00Much better, I like :) Remember me when you're...Much better, I like :) Remember me when you're rich and famous (*smirks*)<br /><br />RachRachael Harriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16764930101064527321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-73749081178727551292010-11-02T20:47:02.270-07:002010-11-02T20:47:02.270-07:00Ooh, you're a genius! How does it look now?Ooh, you're a genius! How does it look now?Katrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-79535564816871370742010-11-02T20:43:48.502-07:002010-11-02T20:43:48.502-07:00Tee hee, that makes sense. Can I suggest then, sta...Tee hee, that makes sense. Can I suggest then, start the logline with "In a town where the heros are all villains,..." I'm not sure you need the name Surlyview, and that is much more important I'd think (and rather hookish too!!!) (*grins*)<br /><br />RachRachael Harriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16764930101064527321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-4139463904129842572010-11-02T20:24:31.903-07:002010-11-02T20:24:31.903-07:00Thank you for the help, Rachel!
Robert is the MC...Thank you for the help, Rachel! <br /><br />Robert is the MC, but he lives in a twisted villain town where good is bad, so he'd be the black sheep to a bunch of villains BECAUSE of his white knight tendencies. This is why I like the longer form of the query. LOL. Hard to explain that in one sentence and include plot elements.<br /><br />sigh<br /><br />I'll keep pecking at it.Katrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-88690699073711253312010-11-02T20:17:09.683-07:002010-11-02T20:17:09.683-07:00Hi Katrina, glad I popped back here :)
I think yo...Hi Katrina, glad I popped back here :)<br /><br />I think your story concept sounded really neat. I stumbled a little over your logline though, I think because I had a couple of questions/uncertainties. Umm, ok, firstly, you say that Robert is Rupert's "benign" twin (a black sheep with white knight tendencies). I'm not sure if "benign" is the right word, I felt it almost contradicts the meaning of "black sheep" - is there a different word you could use?<br /><br />Also, are both Robert and Rupert the MCs? The logline reads almost as though Robert is the MC, as Rupert is being described by reference to him in a way. Hope that makes sense - if Rupert is the MC, you might need a teensy bit of tweaking.<br /><br />Love the dust allergies reference :)<br /><br />Hope this helps.<br /><br />RachRachael Harriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16764930101064527321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-37552757115054712112010-11-02T18:40:39.452-07:002010-11-02T18:40:39.452-07:00I love the voice you have! Great job on it.I love the voice you have! Great job on it.Steena Holmeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03585255306121495098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-21751370947360197132010-11-02T15:47:43.960-07:002010-11-02T15:47:43.960-07:00Thanks, Kristi! :)
Jackee, you're right. Tha...Thanks, Kristi! :) <br /><br />Jackee, you're right. That bit about the sheep looks literal in a MG superhero story. I added the word "proverbial"--since it's an upper middle grade story, I hope I can get away with that vocab word! <br /><br />AND THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO 100 FOLLOWERS! Hmm, now I need to think of something special to do...Katrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-69114552849012208002010-11-02T14:17:38.966-07:002010-11-02T14:17:38.966-07:00This sounds like a really fun story! You might add...This sounds like a really fun story! You might add the title and the genre up front so we know what we're dealing with. Is he really a sheep? Love the imagery and voice in this pitch and especially the huge amount we learn about the MC by the little you tell us. <br /><br />Great job and great to meet you, Katrina! "Underpublished" is now my favorite writer title. Officially. And FYI, I love that I'm lucky follower #100!!! :o)Jackeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03351019926958000627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-18739117611380156962010-11-02T13:35:13.505-07:002010-11-02T13:35:13.505-07:00I think the bit about dust allergies speaks volume...I think the bit about dust allergies speaks volumes! Love that little tidbit thrown in!Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08188460633615049191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-52259629640047742722010-11-02T08:13:35.067-07:002010-11-02T08:13:35.067-07:00Thank you, Bekah! That was helpful. I added/change...Thank you, Bekah! That was helpful. I added/changed a few words. I hope it ends confusion. What do you think?Katrina L. Lantzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06871272394922775923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8571939125765761515.post-17271639306663013112010-11-02T08:09:09.509-07:002010-11-02T08:09:09.509-07:00Okay, I am only confused about one thing here. Is ...Okay, I am only confused about one thing here. Is Surlyview an alternate reality, ya know, with the whole twin thing going one or is he a real twin? Who is "their" referring to? The peopl of Surlyview? I think this has a great voice already, and I love how you cleraly have the antag here: THE BEAST IN THE WOODS...ooohhh!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com