My mind settles slowly back into my body. With the final fury of instinct past, I'm completely blank, like an angel has pressed my restart button. Donna tells me, "Look at your baby, Katrina. He's looking at you."
And I remember where I am - what I've just done.
I look down at the baby in my arms. Here's Ben. He's absolutely perfect, I'm convinced of it. I can't look away. His tiny dark eyes watch me in the dim morning light. I take his long fingers and wrap them around my finger. Then he lets out a cry. Just one, like he's testing it out. We go back to inspecting each other. I've given birth twice already, but I've never had this moment before. It's monumental, this sudden and unexpected calm. I could stay in the water forever, just touching his silk cheeks, watching him breathe. "What do you think?" my husband asks. "Does he look like a Benjamin?"
"Oh, yeah," I say, coming back to the world around me. "Yeah, he does."
Ben starts to cry again, and all I want to do is hold him close, kiss his face, and teach him to smile.
For those of you wondering why I never blog anymore, here's an answer. :) I usually get back into writing within a few months after having a baby, but now I have three, so we'll see how it goes. I still blog weekly at Operation Awesome on Fridays, and post to Afterglow Book Reviews when I fall in love with a book.
I'll be back. (said Terminator-style)